How Can I NOT Say Anything?

Wow. What another electrifying week of 24! You know, by now, that I'm a HUGE fan of the show... rather, WAS a huge fan of the show until this season's less-than-stellar acting, writing, believability and igiveacrapfactor. It's not me who has noticed the downfall of this show, several of my friends who I've talked to about it have said they're more than likely not going to watch next season. That's a shame, because this show WAS good, it WAS inventive, but now we're reduced to bad storylines and plots.

So, what is it this week that bothered me?

1. Yay! Chloe's back!
   You knew that her exit was lame for her character and that she'd be back eventually. But did you think she'd come back so tan? She must've spent the entire day in the booth to look like that, gross. And I'm delighted to know that Chloe has also learned the art of time-travel and can get all prettied up and back to CTU within five minutes of being called in. Wait, silly me, she lives across the street!


2. "Your family is dead. And so are you."
   So, let me get this straight... the real pilot drives into the base with the bad guy in the trunk/back seat (still not sure how that worked – those new Caddy's have "secret compartments" I guess), manages to get by security (acting like a dick the whole time), then drives to another part of the base, gets out of his car, and HAS TO LET THE BAD GUY OUT OF HIS HIDING SPOT??? How about running? Or telling someone? But wait, his family is being held hostage, that's right... he knows that for sure since he talked to the people holding them. But that's not something you gamble with, right?


3. "This is the only chance we've got... for the 14th time today."
   Jack Bauer has single-handedly re-written the CTU Field Ops handbook. He knows the right thing to do in every freakin' situation. And this time, he HAS to pretend like he's a hostage... so he STABS HIMSELF (best acting nod to Dina Araz, who looked at Jack with the best WTF-face I've ever seen), that'll get him far in life... maybe he needs to see a therapist, this cutting himself deal has got to stop.


4. Didn't we see this in Season Three?
   It was the ol' "prove your loyalty to me by shooting this person" trick. Was she really going to shoot Jack!?! Hell no, what would we do for the last ten episodes? Regurgitated plot twists suck.


5. "I just can't believe that this is happening."
   Believe it Audrey, your shot up husband, Paul, has been in surgery for the past thirty minutes of the show. And what a heart-to-heart moment with daddy dearest... "I didn't realize until just now how much I loved Paul." "I know this isn't the best time, but I've got to go. Audrey, I'm proud to be your father." WHAT!?! Did I miss something here? Did they cut out some of the scene, to "make it flow better?" I had to stop saying what a bad actor that guy was when I heard that line, and immediately started laughing.


6. What exactly is standard procedure when pulling someone over?
   I know people get pulled over for speeding, or another traffic violation, that the cops usually approach the car. But it seems that when they're apprehending a dangerous criminal, one that is also a TERRORIST, wouldn't they set up guard behind their vehicles and tell the guy to come out of the car with his hands where they can see them? Not CTU baby, they charge right in! They also get exploded. That's what you get when you don't follow protocol.

We have ten episodes left, and I plan on doing this ten more times. Deal with it.

I'm Twenty-Bored

Here it is, just for you day-long-action-television lovers, this week's play-by-play of 24 absurdness (some of the following might be considered spoilers – that is if you consider poorly written crap, spoilers):

1. The head of security, (yes, the mysteriously evil one who set off the emp to save his ... boss? ... job? company's electricity bill?) who was interrogating Paul (the only person who knew where the printed out documents were) hits him a couple of times, then tells the other guards "come get me when he says something." Ummmm, where is he going? To make sure the lights are still off in the rest of the eight-block radius? And would an emp really wipe out the ENTIRE database of the nation's third-largest defense contractor? If so, I bet there are thousands of criminals out there just salivating over the fact that they could clear their name from the FBI's Most Wanted database with an emp.
   
   Criminals of America... THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!!!



2. "Could the EMP have hurt Jack or Paul?" "No, but that doesn't mean they're safe... wait, unless either one of them had something like a pace-maker. Yeah, they'd definitely be screwed then. Man, that would hurt."



3. Welcome back Michelle. Man, you take action quickly. First off you're caught up to speed on what happened over the past few hours. Then you impress us with your knowing Paul's last name (somehow). Then you tell us that there's some new information coming in regarding Habib Marwan from Division – we just saw you talking to NO ONE on your way over to Tony, so did the voices in your head tell you that? And speaking of crazy, did you just tell Tony if he didn't like his assigned job then he could "resign?" Michelle, HE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB THERE ANYMORE!
   
   Feel free to resign Tony, but know that if you decide to leave now, it wouldn't be reflected on your record, you won't be docked vacation, sick or personal leave, your paycheck will still be $0 and you won't have to make up any comp time. Have a good one!



4. "Marwan, your face is all over the news... except that last clip with the lispy lady talking about the power outages and gun shots. Now THAT was good reporting, did you see it?" Good thing the people he passed outside of the restaurant didn't notice him, or seem disturbed that an emp bomb had just detonated in LA... not to mention the whole meltdown ordeal earlier in the day. What am I thinking!?! This is just like any other day, let's go celebrate!
   
   Side note: Does anyone think that when Marwan's picture was being shown "all over the news," they showed a picture of the bad guy from "The Mummy" and said "this man is a terrorist?" And if so, do you think that people instantly thought that all mummies were terrorists?



5. When that emp bomb went off, people sure didn't waste any time... why they started bonfires and began looting. And what did they steal, you might ask... why snowboards of course. My guess is that these people loot all the time and have everything they want, so why not grab something really worth stealing.
   
   Question: Where was the guy with the shotgun when the snowboard thieves were rampaging the store?



6. "I can't force you to leave your own property... but if I felt like it, I could take your car, guns and lives, all without batting an eyelash," says Jack to the Hispanic guy and his tan American brother with a crustache and goatee (the guys who have been blamed all of their lives for the terrorist attacks).



7. Let's see, that's three people who have left CTU by either being fired or because of personal reasons. Good thing that Tony the drunkard is around making his non-salary. Odd that Michelle had read all the reports from the day and knew Sarah's detainment was a mistake, but didn't know that Tony had helped Jack earlier in the day escape a gun fight, track and stop the man who was at the terrorist "trial," find and detain Behrooz and his mother Dina... did she think that Tony had just swung by and was checking in on the place been reinstated for the hell of it?



8. CTU has some very impressive satellite software. It has the ability to register gunfire. Cool eh? Oh, but you'll have to spend another million dollars to get the version that registers REGULAR FIRE, AS IN NOT FROM A GUN.



9. I really don't want to mention the head of security that was shot in the back... but, even though he was mistakenly left for dead and had one of his guns removed, he somehow (with his head turned the other way) knew where his pistol was, grabbed it, leaned up and shot at Jack. Now, I've never been shot in the back, but I'd imagine that arching my back would hurt very bad... but I'm also not a super evil bad guy, either. They have super powers.

Did I miss anything???

1/4 of 24 More Reasons +1 to NOT Watch

I'm all caught up on 24 now, and as I stated before, I'm losing more and more faith with each passing week. Here's the latest beef:

1. LA is, in fact, a time warp city
   Not only can CTU officials (or Government agents) drive from one end of the city to the other in no time at all, but sunset in LA occurs in less than 30 minutes. When Habib Marwan was seen jumping on a bus at the beginning of the episode, the sun was extremely bright. Thirty minutes later, it was pitch dark outside, no dusk, no sunset, nothing. It's okay though, it's hard to film during that time of day.
2. LA is also and surprisingly empty town
   When, and if, I decide to hatch the world's largest terrorist attack on US soil, I'll be happy to know that I can escape out of a surrounded building, hop a bus, and wind up in a part of LA where NO ONE is. Then, even though my picture is all over the news as the nation's most wanted man ever, I'll be able to walk around wherever I like and not worry about a thing.
3. CTU's personal assistants rock
   It was sad to see what happened to Driscal's daughter (which was a bogus story line in, and of, itself), but it's great to know that even though CTU is short on man power and they have every available resource working on stopping the terrorist threat(s), there's still servants to make sure Ellen's office has a nice full pitcher of water... just in case she grows feint. People in distress gotta drink!
4. Life Goes On for more washed up actors
   What a pleasant surprise it was to see Corky's dad on 24. He may just battle the Defense Secretary for worst actor on the show.
5. In the future, all Corporate HQs will have EMPs
   Juuuuuuust in case they need to silence all electronic equipment within an eight block radius. Oh, the devices will also pulse weird-colored light and make a noise much like the Tardis did on Doctor Who.
6. The rules of EMPs are odd
   How strange that while the EMP was charging (not detonating, charging) the first thing to go was the analog phone lines. Then the cellular service went out (but if you were sharp, you noticed that while Jack's phone was searching for service, he was still able to check voice mail). Soon after that, the lights were flickering. But throughout the entire time (ten minutes, remember, is how long it takes the EMP to charge), the computers still worked. Then, right after CTU tried to gain contact with their Helicopter pilots, security guards INSIDE the building were using walkie-talkies. Uh-huh.
7. Next week...
   "You want me to kill a federal agent?" Sure. We also want you to be extremely dry in your acting... oh, and be over-dramatic, too, please.

How sad. The show is becoming a weekly poke-fun-fest for me... if you'd like to watch with me and have me point all of this stuff out in real-time, just let me know.