The following took place over the last two weeks...

First off, I'd like to give a big shout out to Jefferson City! You just got mentioned on 24! That's BIG TIME! Chamber of Commerce members, you should call an emergency meeting! I just bet you can capitalize off of this somehow... think "The 24 tour of Jeff City!" Hell, I'd go, even if it was the only thing Iowa had to offer. WAIT A SECOND!!! You mean, there isn't a Jefferson City in Iowa!?! Does this "Los Angeles" place exist, too?

This is why Vice Presidents suck:

1. Worst story line yet.
2. Arrest Jack Bauer?
3. Just bring Palmer back, we don't need an excuse.

Missle Command:

• Time-foreshadowing... it'll take an hour to account for all of them? Welcome to what this episode is about.
• So these guys blow up the truck that had the nuke on it... Wouldn't... that... blow... up... the... nuke... too? Nope! Now CTU knows there's a convoy missing and they're going to stop looking for Marwan. If they can track a black SUV on non-highway roads and gun-fire in the looted streets of LA... why couldn't they track convoys with Nuclear Warheads on them? Ooooh, because there are mountains in between Illinois and Iowa, duh. Then why aren't these convoys HEAVILY guarded? One truckful of redneck terrorists couldn't ambush an entire convoy. And most importantly, if this was one of the nukes that was being transported to be disarmed, WHY NOT JUST DISARM THE DAMN THING WHEREVER YOU ARE!?!

A Super Cell (phone) is Forming:

• Again with the amazing helicopter noise-reduction cockpits and/or cell-phones. Engadget or Gizmodo haven't let us common-folk know where to get those, yet.
• Since when is a club not loud and a cell phone's reception is perfect?

Cut Up That Credit Card:

• "A terrorist just used a credit card at a gas station." "Maybe it was a decoy." "It wouldn't be much of a decoy because we don't know where he is or which direction he's traveling in." [Insert edited material] "Wait... didn't you just say he used a credit card at a gas station?" "Yeah, so?" "Do we know which gas station?" "Yeah, so?" "Hmmm. Good point, keep on the lookout across the entire United States. We'll nail this bastard."
• "I used that credit card you gave me." "I told you to get rid of that credit card." Silly Marwan, you've planned this day for so long, it's a shame it's not going to work out for you. Question, if you didn't want him to use that credit card, why did you give it to him? And we know why he didn't get rid of it... it was a Capital One No Hassle card!

Let's Do the Time Warp Dance:

• No f'ing way... first off, an attorney was contacted (at 12:30 am), he got all awake, cleaned up, dressed, got a court order, and made it to CTU before they could interrogate this guy? Good thing Jack realized that. This is CTU, people! They work against terrorists! I'd say that they have authority here.
• It took Chloe five minutes to get to that lady's house, yet back up is ten minutes away? More importantly, CTU is only five!

Tidbits:

• Congrats Defense Secretary Heller, the worst-acting award now goes to the Vice President.
• "I'm innocent. I have nothing to hide." Who says that???
• Richards has the worst job, ever. All he does it give people shots. Though, he's had a lot of work to do this season.
• "With all due respect, sir..." Jack has said this line at least 200 times this season.
• Why does Audrey have a problem with Jack's interrogation now and not when Jack was questioning Paul?
• Someone gets suspicious and they get a phone call through to CTU that easy? Riiiiight. The week after September 11, the office manager at the place I worked got four phone calls about what they thought was suspicious activity (as in helicopters landing at an airport). CTU would be getting thousands of calls. Speaking of paranoia, would people really be clubbing on a day where there's been a terrorist attack and the president has been shot down out of the sky?
• Why 24 didn't suck this week... the whole club sequence!
• Product placement alert: Alienware laptop! But, don't use them... you'd be a terrorist if you did.
• The rest of the files on this guys computer are locked... damn... WAIT! In an earlier episode, Edgar told Jack how to unlock files... just get Edgar on the phone... then you won't have to make the WORST ENDING OF AN EPISODE EVER – Chloe shooting a gun. Now THAT'S tough.

It's Getting Worse

Why do I keep torturing myself like this? I now have the computer on my lap as I watch the episodes, pausing the show to jot down all of my thoughts. I show no mercy and I'm picking at it to death. I'm sure you can do this with a lot of shows on television, but I choose this one because it has so much potential on being cool and fun... and fails. I'm not sure if I liked last week's numbered entry, so I'm gonna do it like I had previously:

• Air Force One Is Wacky!
  "This is Air Force One... we are declaring an emergency." What you didn't know is no Government agency in the United States can do anything regarding Air Force One until an "emergency" is declared... I guess. Alright CTU, you heard the plane, now figure out something ingenious on how to save it.
  
  "Why did the signal fade? Why did we lose contact?" I'm not entirely certain, maybe BECAUSE THEY'RE CRASHING! And for the record, I'm pretty sure that simply changing the frequency isn't going to help regain contact. Whoops, I was wrong! I guess it's kinda like those portable phones you had in the house... the ones were you could change the "channel" you were talking on... did that ever work for anyone?
• Hide, The Satellites Are Watching!
  Within 5 seconds of Air Force One going down, Audrey walks into the room and says that she has satellite photos from DOD of scattered ground flashes. In case anyone was wondering... yes, the DOD has real-time satellite imaging. It doesn't seem fair that CTU had to watch their Atari Satellite Radar screen when those two agencies are working so closely on this day.
• The Winner Is...
  Doing his best Bush-during-the-September-11th-attacks impersonation, the award for Doing Absolutely Nothing in a Major Crisis goes to the Vice President! Please sir, accept this award with the promise that you will continue doing nothing for this country when its President could possibly be dead. There is such a thing as a temporary swearing in... I saw it on The West Wing! And yes, It's official, the VP is a wuss. I think he crapped his pants when he was told that he had to invoke the Twenty-Fifth Amendment and take over. That's leadership folks! He wouldn't listen to his friend of 15 years (Muppet Man – doesn't he look like the Bald Eagle dude from The Muppet Show?), but now that it's confirmed that the Pres is in bad shape, he'll go change his diaper and get sworn in. One more thing, yes, Muppet Man did stuff without your permission... since you were so busy STANDING AROUND IN YOUR OFFICE DOING NOTHING.
• All The King's Horses
  The DOD's "Top Priority" is to get the football back. So, Edgar readied the "team" and they promptly took off. The "team" flies all the way to the power facility and are ready to encounter the terrorists. It's the four bad guys versus the two, yes TWO, CTU agents. Now THAT's a team! I don't even think doubles tennis people are called teams, merely pairs. Anyway, go kick some butt guys and then answer this: why didn't you blow up the Jeeps when you arrived at the power plant? That way, the terrorists can't escape in the only other mode of transportation!
• From Jason To Kelly
  Kelly is one HEAVY sleeper! She slept through a large plane crashing no more than 50 yards from their tent. Jason, on the other hand, woke up to what he thought was an explosion... but wasn't sure what he heard. It didn't seem to bother him too much, he was ready to go "make a baby." I know that some people can sleep through a lot of noise, but a PLANE crash? But, to back them up, the plane debris wasn't too scattered... I guess that "24" defers to "Lost" on how to make a plane crash look really good.
  
  When, oh when, will we get reception as good as the government gets? The CIA, or Secret Service, agents had ZERO problems talking to Jack just minutes after the crash, but Kelly's cell phone barely gets a signal? That signal never cut out during the rest of the episode... and that could've an interesting twist. Way to take advantage, writers!
  
  The entire conversation between Jason and Jack... lame. They're inserting dialogue to show how smart they are... educating the viewers, so to speak. So, Jason HAS to remove the transponder... it's a good thing he brought the compass with them to check out the plane crash. Wait, he had a compass but not a knife? Take his Totem Chip away!

Random Bits

• Whoa... wait! That's it? The Stealth Fighter was spotted and shot down? That quickly!?! Talk about not renewing someone's contract or wanting to pay some extra royalties. This was a MAJOR storyline!
• Good lord, Michelle. I think this is the fourth episode in a row where you tell everyone to re-focus their efforts on finding Marwan. I think everyone, including people who don't watch the damn show, know that by now.
• The rescue teams are finally inside Air Force One, which looks to be a hollowed hull of a plane – there are papers scattered everywhere and hardly anything else... except bodies. It's no wonder that so many people are dead, there were no seats for them to sit in!
• "Its got a funny name. I read this article once. It's got our nuclear codes." Good writing, or bad acting? I suspect both.
• Was Jack was really going to put Audrey on call-waiting?
• How far away is LA from this crash site? Marwan made the trip in less than an hour and Jack is flying via helicopter in less than 30 minutes... is this right or are we in time-warp land again?
• The power station is un-manned and Jack said to turn off their flashlights – to avoid drawing attention to themselves. Good thing all of the lights are on.
• How long does it take you guys to turn on your cell phone? It takes me about 15 seconds... that's when the battery is in. Jason managed to insert his battery, turn the cell phone on AND make a phone call in seconds. Also... reception in the desert sucked, but inside a large concrete power facility... it's perfect. Remember that.
• Jack kicked the gun away from the dead guy this time. What's wrong Jack, can't handle being shot at from a dead guy twice in the same long ass day?
• "There are thousands of warheads, it'll take an hour to clear the slate." No problem, Air Force One crashed one hour ago so you should be about done... right? Or are you meaning an hour from NOW, which would give the terrorists (aka Marwan, since everyone that tries to help him dies) an entire episode to get a warhead next week?

So, this isn't quite in the same vein as "Super Size Me" or "The Pepsi Spice Project," but damn...

TTTT (Two Times The 24)

Last night, I caught up on the last two weeks of "24." Shoosh! Let me tell you what... nah, let me show you what (in chronological order):

1. They're pulling all their resources to find Marwan, thanks for the leadership Michelle... but wasn't everyone ALREADY LOOKING FOR MARWAN?
2. "I got onto the base and through two layers of security using the pilot's id...," this was explained for anyone who doubted that he could just waltz in to a military base. No one talks like this... Marwan doesn't care how dude got in because he was the one who planned it.
3. So, let me get this straight... the only actor on this show that was worthwhile (the guy attempting to fix the plane) gets shot? Man!
4. "I don't want Audrey interfering." Hmmm... she's been "interfering" all day.
5. "Who was in charge of this operation?" Who in the hell do you think Audrey? Chloe... no, too bitchy. Edgar... no, too nerdy. Tony... no, he's a drunk. Who's left? Oh, that's right! The DIRECTOR OF CTU!!!
6. Someone on this writing staff has Bond-syndrome... just kill Jack already. Marwan, you've done your homework on him, right? He single-handedly prevented three other seasons of "24" from going badly. Get rid of him, then it can be YOUR show!
7. Remember that time-warp land that CTU resides in? You know, the city where you can drive across town or show up to work in 5 minutes? Well, a kidnapped-Jack must not be in that city anymore... when we left him at commercial, he was trying to reach something but was being stopped by the length of his handcuffs, when we returned, he was still trying to reach it... shouldn't he be out of his cuffs, killed all the bad guys and back at CTU in Audrey's confused arms by now?
8. The dead pilot's family has been reported missing and the news isn't hitting the newswire for another 15 minutes. THEN THE CRAP HITS THE FAN! Wait, how exactly is this news (Chloe asked the same thing)? People go missing for days and things aren't filed. Think about this though, what if they were found dead? If so, the terrorists don't need to worry, because it's flagged as an important notice and it'll go out sometime soon (15 minutes) to all of the local authorities and CTU. They're just proofreading it to make sure all the grammar and spelling are correct.
9. Plot-hole! Marwan wants Behrooz in exchange for Jack... it's a damn good thing Behrooz escaped his killing in the mountains earlier, or there'd be a lot more dead terrorists now.
10. Chloe confirmed that it indeed WAS Marwan on the phone call. Cool. She confirmed it by getting some audio recordings from McClendon-Forrester. I'm glad they're cooperating now. Whoa! Wait! Didn't all of their electronic stuff essentially evaporate when the EMP bomb went off!?! No biggie, I bet they sent over some cassette tapes for her to check.
11. For some reason, Audrey seems a bit more tan this week... what is it with me and tans???
12. Why do the writers insist on showing us that American Counter-Terrorist Units LOVE to interrogate people by torture? Are we THAT mean of a country?
13. Over the four seasons, I've never seen them worry about "the hourly's" coming into CTU. Nor have I seen the connectivity these people have with their computers – "just patch me through..." – what the hell? These people are geniuses. Also, Meg... is it? Yes, we know how busy you are down there, but we're having a party up here, can you please take on more work while I do a keg stand? You're a peach.
14. Remember the guy that checked out the plane and said they'd have to order a part? Yeah, the same guy that said "I'm about to go and tell the crew chief now..." Well, he must've told the chief from the afterlife, because I'm pretty sure he was shot. And killed. Dead.
15. One minute Audrey's pissed and doesn't want to think about Jack because Paul is still in surgery... the next she's badgering Tony about the Jack/Behrooz trade off... women.
16. THEY DID AN MRI ON BEHROOZ WHEN HE WAS BROUGHT IN!?! I had an MRI done on the middle of my back the other day – it took them 45 minutes to do just my back. A full body scan probably would've taken 5 episodes. Should I even question if they actually have an MRI machine in the building there? Silly me, of course they do! It's right next to the dry cleaners and cotton candy machine.
17. Whoa! Jack just kicked one of my terrorist friends to the ground... I'll show him, I'll run right at him a... KICK... ouch... damn, he's good.
18. Ray mentioned this to me the other day... remember the information Edgar made Meg look at because he was too busy? Well, apparently she can't zoom the information back to other computers... no, she has to burn the stuff to a disc and then hand-deliver it to Edgar. He tells her to put it down on his desk. Yes. Right there on all of the other colored CDs, now it's sure to get lost... well done! Now no one will know, or care, about the family that's been missing for two hours. Someone, anyone, the next time I'm in a meeting for more than two hours, please alert the authorities... I'm sure the meeting isn't that interesting.
19. "Audrey, any word on Paul?" "We still don't know yet." What do you mean you don't know yet, just 4 seconds ago the nurse said he'd be out of surgery within the next hour... that's SOMETHING!
20. Is it odd that America doesn't negotiate with terrorists, yet CTU does?
21. Marwan's called three times now, each time reaching Edgar. If I were Marwan (notice I didn't say, "If I were a terrorist"), I wouldn't call Edgar anymore, I'd call Michelle directly. If I were a geeky tech guy (notice I didn't say, "If I were Edgar"), I'd leave the bastard on hold so we could track him.
22. "How are you transporting Behrooz." "In one of our tactical vehicles." [insert edited footage] "What the hell is a tactical vehicle?" "It's an SUV." "Why didn't you just say by SUV or even by car?" "Because tactical vehicle sounds cooler." "Seems like more work, but you're right, I was impressed."
23. Is that really Marwan's cell-phone ringer? I figured he'd have the Donkey Kong theme on there or something a little more sinister. Maybe the cheap faked sound of an electronic grenade? The crazy frog?
24. Yeah, the CD will get misplaced... WE GET IT!
25. Nice try with the obvious stock footage of the stealth plane.
26. Jack, stop with the personal phone calls... if time is of the essence, then make sure you remember that YOU HAVE A TERRORIST TO CATCH!
27. "Where's the hard drive?" "Yeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I'm kinda busy flying a stealth bomber right now... I'm gonna have to get baaack to you on that one. Okay?"
28. The terrorists are using last-ditch efforts to delete stuff from the hard drives! Ooo! Ooo! Make sure you empty the Recycle Bin before you're shot!
29. Watching Jack kill bad guys is still cool! Even if the footage is juxtaposed by the gun-shot sensing satellite (remember, the one that doesn't see fire, or explosions, or body heat...).
30. That explosion made NO sense. When things explode they create an energy wave that extends outward from the blast origin (think atomic bomb and mushroom cloud). Yet, when the things in this room exploded, they made the windows shatter INSIDE the room... must be one of those new black hole bombs.
31. "You can't stop it," says the dying terrorist. "Stop what," yells Jack!?! Do you really think he's going to tell you now? No! He's gonna let it hang over your head that he knows something you don't know for the last 7 seconds of his life... and by the way, that's a hell of a bull riding time, if you didn't know.
32. Would you trust a doctor with bad hair and a ringer-tee underneath his scrubs? Me either? And did anyone else want Audrey to karate-chop Paul's legs, just to make sure he wasn't paralyzed?
33. "How did you that (letting Marwan escape) happen?" Dude's an extremely resourceful terrorist, how do YOU think he escaped? WHOA! Did that guy just put the moves on Michelle!?! Yes, he did, and the love triangle just keeps on growing, unlike my interest in this show.
34. Go right on in Ms. FBI Agent that looks like Jack's old wife! First, just enter the terrorist's unlocked house. Second, make sure the entry way is secure. Third, get cell phone out to ca... FOURTH, GET SHOT!!! Bueno! Just like when you failed the scenario at the academy. And this is why you don't have a permanent cast spot.
35. I'm sure Americans will rest easier knowing an 18 year-old helped the President of the United States of America figure out what he was going to say in his address to the nation. Why not lower the minimum age to be President to 16? Hell, we're driving by then... we can run the damn country!
36. Jack can overhear the fake agent talking on her cell phone, but doesn't hear his guy find the external hard drive? And again with the genius stuff about computer knowledge! I just tried that "locking/unlocking" trick with my external hard drive... no go.
37. Anyone think Jack tried out the Stealth Fighter flight simulator program? I would've!
38. I like the stealth fighter story line... except the glaring mistake that the President said he had four fighter planes and the radar showed five. That's some goo-ood writing!

When does Palmer come back!?!