TTTT (Two Times The 24)

Last night, I caught up on the last two weeks of "24." Shoosh! Let me tell you what... nah, let me show you what (in chronological order):

1. They're pulling all their resources to find Marwan, thanks for the leadership Michelle... but wasn't everyone ALREADY LOOKING FOR MARWAN?
2. "I got onto the base and through two layers of security using the pilot's id...," this was explained for anyone who doubted that he could just waltz in to a military base. No one talks like this... Marwan doesn't care how dude got in because he was the one who planned it.
3. So, let me get this straight... the only actor on this show that was worthwhile (the guy attempting to fix the plane) gets shot? Man!
4. "I don't want Audrey interfering." Hmmm... she's been "interfering" all day.
5. "Who was in charge of this operation?" Who in the hell do you think Audrey? Chloe... no, too bitchy. Edgar... no, too nerdy. Tony... no, he's a drunk. Who's left? Oh, that's right! The DIRECTOR OF CTU!!!
6. Someone on this writing staff has Bond-syndrome... just kill Jack already. Marwan, you've done your homework on him, right? He single-handedly prevented three other seasons of "24" from going badly. Get rid of him, then it can be YOUR show!
7. Remember that time-warp land that CTU resides in? You know, the city where you can drive across town or show up to work in 5 minutes? Well, a kidnapped-Jack must not be in that city anymore... when we left him at commercial, he was trying to reach something but was being stopped by the length of his handcuffs, when we returned, he was still trying to reach it... shouldn't he be out of his cuffs, killed all the bad guys and back at CTU in Audrey's confused arms by now?
8. The dead pilot's family has been reported missing and the news isn't hitting the newswire for another 15 minutes. THEN THE CRAP HITS THE FAN! Wait, how exactly is this news (Chloe asked the same thing)? People go missing for days and things aren't filed. Think about this though, what if they were found dead? If so, the terrorists don't need to worry, because it's flagged as an important notice and it'll go out sometime soon (15 minutes) to all of the local authorities and CTU. They're just proofreading it to make sure all the grammar and spelling are correct.
9. Plot-hole! Marwan wants Behrooz in exchange for Jack... it's a damn good thing Behrooz escaped his killing in the mountains earlier, or there'd be a lot more dead terrorists now.
10. Chloe confirmed that it indeed WAS Marwan on the phone call. Cool. She confirmed it by getting some audio recordings from McClendon-Forrester. I'm glad they're cooperating now. Whoa! Wait! Didn't all of their electronic stuff essentially evaporate when the EMP bomb went off!?! No biggie, I bet they sent over some cassette tapes for her to check.
11. For some reason, Audrey seems a bit more tan this week... what is it with me and tans???
12. Why do the writers insist on showing us that American Counter-Terrorist Units LOVE to interrogate people by torture? Are we THAT mean of a country?
13. Over the four seasons, I've never seen them worry about "the hourly's" coming into CTU. Nor have I seen the connectivity these people have with their computers – "just patch me through..." – what the hell? These people are geniuses. Also, Meg... is it? Yes, we know how busy you are down there, but we're having a party up here, can you please take on more work while I do a keg stand? You're a peach.
14. Remember the guy that checked out the plane and said they'd have to order a part? Yeah, the same guy that said "I'm about to go and tell the crew chief now..." Well, he must've told the chief from the afterlife, because I'm pretty sure he was shot. And killed. Dead.
15. One minute Audrey's pissed and doesn't want to think about Jack because Paul is still in surgery... the next she's badgering Tony about the Jack/Behrooz trade off... women.
16. THEY DID AN MRI ON BEHROOZ WHEN HE WAS BROUGHT IN!?! I had an MRI done on the middle of my back the other day – it took them 45 minutes to do just my back. A full body scan probably would've taken 5 episodes. Should I even question if they actually have an MRI machine in the building there? Silly me, of course they do! It's right next to the dry cleaners and cotton candy machine.
17. Whoa! Jack just kicked one of my terrorist friends to the ground... I'll show him, I'll run right at him a... KICK... ouch... damn, he's good.
18. Ray mentioned this to me the other day... remember the information Edgar made Meg look at because he was too busy? Well, apparently she can't zoom the information back to other computers... no, she has to burn the stuff to a disc and then hand-deliver it to Edgar. He tells her to put it down on his desk. Yes. Right there on all of the other colored CDs, now it's sure to get lost... well done! Now no one will know, or care, about the family that's been missing for two hours. Someone, anyone, the next time I'm in a meeting for more than two hours, please alert the authorities... I'm sure the meeting isn't that interesting.
19. "Audrey, any word on Paul?" "We still don't know yet." What do you mean you don't know yet, just 4 seconds ago the nurse said he'd be out of surgery within the next hour... that's SOMETHING!
20. Is it odd that America doesn't negotiate with terrorists, yet CTU does?
21. Marwan's called three times now, each time reaching Edgar. If I were Marwan (notice I didn't say, "If I were a terrorist"), I wouldn't call Edgar anymore, I'd call Michelle directly. If I were a geeky tech guy (notice I didn't say, "If I were Edgar"), I'd leave the bastard on hold so we could track him.
22. "How are you transporting Behrooz." "In one of our tactical vehicles." [insert edited footage] "What the hell is a tactical vehicle?" "It's an SUV." "Why didn't you just say by SUV or even by car?" "Because tactical vehicle sounds cooler." "Seems like more work, but you're right, I was impressed."
23. Is that really Marwan's cell-phone ringer? I figured he'd have the Donkey Kong theme on there or something a little more sinister. Maybe the cheap faked sound of an electronic grenade? The crazy frog?
24. Yeah, the CD will get misplaced... WE GET IT!
25. Nice try with the obvious stock footage of the stealth plane.
26. Jack, stop with the personal phone calls... if time is of the essence, then make sure you remember that YOU HAVE A TERRORIST TO CATCH!
27. "Where's the hard drive?" "Yeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I'm kinda busy flying a stealth bomber right now... I'm gonna have to get baaack to you on that one. Okay?"
28. The terrorists are using last-ditch efforts to delete stuff from the hard drives! Ooo! Ooo! Make sure you empty the Recycle Bin before you're shot!
29. Watching Jack kill bad guys is still cool! Even if the footage is juxtaposed by the gun-shot sensing satellite (remember, the one that doesn't see fire, or explosions, or body heat...).
30. That explosion made NO sense. When things explode they create an energy wave that extends outward from the blast origin (think atomic bomb and mushroom cloud). Yet, when the things in this room exploded, they made the windows shatter INSIDE the room... must be one of those new black hole bombs.
31. "You can't stop it," says the dying terrorist. "Stop what," yells Jack!?! Do you really think he's going to tell you now? No! He's gonna let it hang over your head that he knows something you don't know for the last 7 seconds of his life... and by the way, that's a hell of a bull riding time, if you didn't know.
32. Would you trust a doctor with bad hair and a ringer-tee underneath his scrubs? Me either? And did anyone else want Audrey to karate-chop Paul's legs, just to make sure he wasn't paralyzed?
33. "How did you that (letting Marwan escape) happen?" Dude's an extremely resourceful terrorist, how do YOU think he escaped? WHOA! Did that guy just put the moves on Michelle!?! Yes, he did, and the love triangle just keeps on growing, unlike my interest in this show.
34. Go right on in Ms. FBI Agent that looks like Jack's old wife! First, just enter the terrorist's unlocked house. Second, make sure the entry way is secure. Third, get cell phone out to ca... FOURTH, GET SHOT!!! Bueno! Just like when you failed the scenario at the academy. And this is why you don't have a permanent cast spot.
35. I'm sure Americans will rest easier knowing an 18 year-old helped the President of the United States of America figure out what he was going to say in his address to the nation. Why not lower the minimum age to be President to 16? Hell, we're driving by then... we can run the damn country!
36. Jack can overhear the fake agent talking on her cell phone, but doesn't hear his guy find the external hard drive? And again with the genius stuff about computer knowledge! I just tried that "locking/unlocking" trick with my external hard drive... no go.
37. Anyone think Jack tried out the Stealth Fighter flight simulator program? I would've!
38. I like the stealth fighter story line... except the glaring mistake that the President said he had four fighter planes and the radar showed five. That's some goo-ood writing!

When does Palmer come back!?!