24 Season 6: Episodes 1 & 2 Recap(Hours 6:00 a.m. - 8:00 a.m.)

WARNING: The following post may, and probably will, contain spoilers.

It's nice to know that even though we're picking up 20 months after last season's ending, there are still some things that haven't changed in the land of 24. Such as beating us over the head with the plot outline for season six – Jack Bauer HAS to be sacrificed so this country can survive. Also, we've already had three explosions (on screen, five total) in two hours. We still get treated to time discontinuity seeing as it's full daylight at 6:27 AM and it was completely dark when the plane landed at 6:10. As you can see, 24 hasn't change a whole lot, so let's talk nitty gritty.

Jack is a Changed Man
So here's the scoop, Jack has been in a Chinese prison for 20 months. During which time he's grown a huge beard, been tortured and hasn't spoken a single word. But now that he's back, here's how Jack panned out in the first two hours:

• Jack had a hard time speaking his first words, that's understandable. But soon enough he was running around and yelling. I'd think that you'd hurt your vocal chords or something.
• He used his super CTU powers to shave and cut his hair in five minutes. Hopefully he had time to eat a nice solid meal. But he probably didn't, since eating real food would probably make his sick. Just let him go out in the world on an empty stomach and what I imagine some severely weakened muscles.
• Poor Jack, he gets tortured within the first hour of coming back home. I'd venture to say that this is karma rearing its ugly head to him.
• To escape his typical lousy excuse of being tied up, Jack bit someone to death. Yes, bit the dude... to death. I laughed out loud on that one.
• It was a good thing that Jack remembered CTU's phone number. Or maybe it was a good thing the phone number hadn't changed in 20 months.
• In other typical 24 teleportation fashion, Jack somehow outran two attack helicopters with a car.
• And here's the big shocker... Jack doesn't know how to torture anyone anymore, nor does he know how to do this job. Man, those Chinese really messed him up something good. Was there a collective sobbing when Jack became Clark Kent?

Fresh Faces, New Places
It's always fun trying to discern who's who in the first few episodes – and who's a baddie. First off we have Milo back (the season one alum), so that's cool. Then we have Nadia, who I think might be compromised. Morris, Chloe's ex-boyfriend who helped Jack in the finale of season five, is now working at CTU (because Chloe isn't crazy enough). Then we have Tom (Fish) at the White House, who the writers want us to think is a baddie. Oh, and don't forget about Kumar (Ahmed), the new teenage terrorist. And finally, we have the long-lost, and never talked about, Sister Palmer (Sandra).

Advancements in Technology
While there wasn't a whole lot of mis-uses in the first two episodes, there were some that shouldn't go without mentioning:

• Who knew you could make your Creative Zen a bomb detonator?
• About the cell phone Jack finds in the car – He's got one voice mail. A text message. The phone is fully charged. There's a reminder set. It's not set to vibrate and then he hangs up and connects to the internet in three seconds. Then he uses Nextel's Map Around (yeah, doesn't exist) with the longitude and latitude that he got from, who?
• Did you see the rack of servers in Assad's house? The amount of heat those things would put off, would definitely emit a heat registry – the same type of heat that CTU didn't seem to be able to track with their fancy satellites... anyone remember last year's season premiere when they were tracking people on different floors of a hotel? How far our technology regresses in 20 months.
• Not only is Sister Palmer a super attorney, but she's also a computer wiz. She erased all of the database files and then used a shredding program (bonus points since these are actually real) to prevent recalling the files. Does anyone think that this place doesn't have daily back-ups?

Relationship Counseling Needed
If there's one thing we've learned over the years, it's that relationships inside CTU (and otherwise) don't work. Edgar died last year without professing his love for Chloe. But does that stop Chloe and Morris from hooking up and working together? No. The last married couple that worked at CTU died last year (Tony and Michelle). Does this prevent Bill and Karen from getting married? No. I won't even start on Sister Palmer's (Sandra's) relationship with Mr. Alizoni (who's obviously a baddie).

CTU Still Stands Tall
I'm still amazed that CTU hasn't been dissolved after these past seven years. How many giant attacks on US will it take to overhaul the agency?

• Protocol Break #1: Chloe coerces Nadia to tell her privileged information about Jack.
• Protocol Break #2: How convenient that Morris and Chloe can reposition a satellite when they're supposed to be doing other work.
• When Bill finds out that Chloe and Morris nearly cost them information about Assad, he says that he can't fire them due to lack of man-power... how is it that CTU is ALWAYS under-staffed? And how is it that CTU couldn't track a private satellite in the "don't go there zone," yet the terrorists can?
• When CTU was pin-pointing where the satellite feed was originating, did anyone notice the damn helicopter ten feet from Chloe's station?
• Protocol Break #3: Chloe got lucky when she found that image of Jack and Assad, Bill broke protocol by not mentioning it to anyone.
• How is it that Fayed can make all sorts of calls to CTU and his cronies, but CTU doesn't trace them. THEN, when we need to propel the plot some, CTU happens across a phone call from Fayed to one of his cronies? *rolling eyes*

The Wacky White House and Government
Over are the times of President Idiot from last year, but that doesn't change how inept the government appears to be in 24 Land.

• First off, Baby Palmer (Wayne), isn't a convincing President. He's better than the idiot from last year, that's for sure. But why does he whisper all the time?
• So the government gives Fayed an all-access pass for information on Assad. What happened to "we don't negotiate with terrorists?"
• Those White House hallways seem pretty void of security – with so many attacks on US soil, would the President and his staff still be in the highly visible White House?
• It's good to know that the new regime still works in silly phrases like, "real-time progress," since we need to be constantly reminded that the show is in REAL TIME.

Kiss My Assad
He's good? He's bad? He's the latest in terrorists turned good.

• If Assad is a good guy, why didn't he contact the government before? Oh, because he won't work with CTU since they'll question him for days. Ummm, Assad, what do you think will happen when you're ready to talk to the real government?
• In a city where an explosion went off not two hours ago, how is there not more military lock down? More importantly, how can public enemy number one, Assad, walk around in broad daylight?
• How did Assad get Jack's cell phone number? You know, the phone that wasn't his?

The Kitchen Sink
The other funny/odd things worth mentioning.

• Best line muttered in episodes one and two – "Drop the coffee."
• Second best line – As soon as Jack rips open the dude's shirt, someone yells, "it's a bomb!"
• Would terrorists really speak in English, or would they speak in their native language since they despise America?
• Product placement – Creative, U-Haul, Nextel, Sprite, Toyota, and Pontiac (with the logo missing)
• There's a ticket-taker on the LA subway?

Overall, it wasn't a bad first effort. The acting is surprisingly a notch better this season, so that's good. We only had one mention of Audrey, Kim and David Palmer, and that's also good. Tomorrow we get the "big explosive ending" that will "change everything." What could it be?