WARNING: The following post may, and probably will, contain spoilers.
Alas we have come to the end of season six. This was supposed to be the best season ever, their follow-up to their "Emmy-winning" season five. So how do they follow that up? They create a season that featured more characters and plot twists than ever before. They included several recycled plot lines. They wrote crappy dialogue and dumbed everything down for their aging viewer base. Wow, what a follow up. Thank goodness we only had to spend 19 weeks with them this year, too bad the last episode was two hours long.
The Beginning of the End
The helicopter with Silver Spoon and Josh races along the coast and apparently is pretty sound-proof inside... that allows Silver Spoon to explain to Josh what's going on (which really serves as a chance to let the audience know what's going on). Silver Spoon needs to inject Josh with a tracking isotope for when he's taken -- let's hope he's not like Gredenko and cuts his arm off, too.
Jack is placed in temporary custody to protect CTU's operation. Say, how many times this year has Jack been placed in custody? Not to be outdone, Jack calls Chloe who immediately says "Nadia said you were in custody." Didn't that JUST happen? How would she know? Never mind that, Jack wants to know why they're trading Josh over to Daddy Bauer -- I don't ever recall hearing that being told to Jack, but he's all-knowing. Even though Silver Spoon has a plan, Jack doesn't trust it and wants to talk to Karen.
At the White House, Evil Veep, Fish and Karen are on the phone with the Russian President. Those three are the only three people that matter in DC -- decisions and conversations about war usually only involve three people. Evil Veep explains the dilly about the sub-circuit board/circuit board/component. Just then, Karen's 1980s cell phone rings and SHE LEAVES THE CONFERENCE CALL WITH THE RUSSIAN PRESIDENT. Jack talks to Karen and tells them that they're crazy for making a deal with his father. You see, his dad is "smart enough to manipulate this exchange." Please Jack, explain this to us dumb audience members, we don't understand the situation fully. Karen tells Jack that she agrees with him and that he needs to take care of it on his end. If only! He's under arrest... AGAIN! Just then the doors open and Jack has to get off the phone... man, it sure took a long time for those CTU agents to get in the car to take Jack back to CTU.
Karen updates Fish about her phone call with Jack... to which Fish asks, "I thought he was under arrest." Yes Fish, we're right there with you, Jack probably shouldn't still have a phone on him. She tells Fish that Jack thinks Daddy Bauer will try to get the boy AND the sub-circuit board/circuit board/component. Fish is perplexed, but Karen trusts Jack's instincts because, "he's been more right today than we have." Fish doesn't have the right relationship with Evil Veep to suggest an alternative plan -- but he'll definitely commit treason by looking the other way while Karen does! THAT'S why there should always be just three people running the White House -- less loose ends to tie up.
Karen calls Bill (aww, they have matching phones), who's at home with the FBI while they take all of his stuff... at 4:00 am. Karen spills her guts to Bill, who really shouldn't be hearing any of this information since he was FIRED. But Karen needs his help and doesn't care that the FBI is at his house and not helping CTU find the missing sub-circuit board/circuit board/component. Karen says that Nadia is a dead-end and asks Bill to do whatever it takes to stop the exchange.
Silver Spoon and Josh land on the beach, Nadia confirms that fact with the up-and-running-again-real-time satellites. They check on the tracking device inside of Josh, and, yup, it's working, too... since they made a big deal out of it, that must mean the signal will get scrambled or lost at some point. Also, it's important to note that, according to episode 16, the tracking isotope inside of Josh is only traceable up to 15 miles -- I'm willing to bet that CTU is much further away than 15 miles... don't you?
Silver Spoon, the only CTU agent at the exchange point gets a scrambled phone call -- don't worry, Morris explains to Nadia (and us stupid audience members) that they'll still be able to listen in on the call... just not trace it... or pinpoint the origin. Silver Spoon answers the phone and Daddy Bauer tells CTU to turn off their satellite feed (they must be stealing it illegally), apparently he has an "uplink" into their system. Morris confirms it but doesn't know how it's possible -- so he can program a trigger to work for a nuke, but can't figure out how this uplink is working? No worries, though, because Josh's tracker is on an internal network. WAIT... the satellite feed, something that could give away precious internal information is on an external network!?! Really!?!
Anyway, Morris shuts down the satellite and Silver Spoon sends the chopper back to CTU. Since their last conversation went so well and provided no real plot development, Daddy Bauer wants to talk to Josh again. Daddy Bauer tries to convince Josh that China will be cool. Silver Spoon and Josh wait for Daddy Bauer's goons to come get Josh. While they wait, Silver Spoon wants to know how he'll confirm that the sub-circuit board/circuit board/component is real... this is easy, the sub-circuit board/circuit board/component has an R72 Socket that he can plug his PDA into. Yes, the old Russian sub-circuit board/circuit board/component, that was inside of suitcase nukes from the 1980s and contains essential bits of information about Russia's security, has a port that a PDA can plug into.
Silver Spoon tells Nadia that he's going to try and grab the kid back if he has an opportunity, to which Nadia gets pissed and says no, apparently they've broken the rules too much today. Karen calls Nadia to check in on the status of the exchange. Nadia tells Karen that Jack is being transferred to detention at District... for the first time ever, someone won't be held at CTU... that'll make it so much easier for Jack to escape. Nadia gets called to the lounge because of Marilyn Bauer -- she wants to see her son and not be treated like a prisoner. She threatens to sue Nadia and CTU and then wrestles with the security guards. Two more security guards are sent in to take Marilyn into holding... yes, holding. Attention to all you mothers out there missing your children on the day of a nuclear attack on US soil -- don't act all hysterical!
As Jack is being taken to District, the vehicle he's in is forced off the road. As Agent #1 (Turner) gets out to check on the situation, Agent #2 remembers why he failed Arresting Class in Police School as the non-handcuffed Jack steals his gun. The VERY un-American Bill gets out of his Toyota truck and talks Turner down from shooting him... then Jack knocks both agents out and he leaves with Bill.
Back at CTU, Milo's Bro (Stuart) shows up and Chloe hugs him. He's there to sign a release for Milo's body and Chloe goes to help him.
At the White House, Karen opens her computer up and notices that she no longer has access. She calls Bill to tell him thanks, that she's sorry and loves him. Two seconds later, she gets arrested.
Nadia talks to Milo's Bro inside the CTU locker room? He asks how Milo died and she tells him the gallant story. He tells Nadia that Milo was really in love with her and had mentioned her before... wasn't their love a new thing on the show... I mean, wasn't he all involved with Chloe and Morris at one point this season? Anyway, after a phone call with Chloe about the breaking news regarding Jack's escape (that we knew about three minutes earlier, so who took Karen's access away since CTU just found out?), Nadia turns to find that Milo's Bro is gone to NEVER reappear. Ever. Pointless.
Josh pleads with Silver Spoon to not go through with this and Silver Spoon pulls the ole, "you gotta do this for your country" bit. And then, for good measure, the writers give him the Jack line of giving Josh "his word that he'll get him back." Nadia calls and tells Silver Spoon that Jack's escaped and on his way... to which Silver Spoon uses another Jack response, "damn it."
Karen's being held in some weird brick-walled detention cell inside the White House... they have detention cells in the White House? Evil Veep comes and to berate Karen for her actions. She protects Fish. Evil Veep says that if Jack prevents this exchange and the Russians attack, it's all her fault -- see, one of three people get pinned. Easy.
Silver Spoon gets a call from Daddy Bauer and is instructed to walk Josh down to the beach. Morris notices that Chloe is pale. A boat pulls up with Daddy Bauer's goons. Silver Spoon and Goon A exchange the sub-circuit board/circuit board/component at gunpoint. As Silver Spoon hooks his PDA into the sub-circuit board/circuit board/component, it explodes! Goon A grabs Josh just as Jack and Bill show up. Jack doesn't have a clear shot and the goons drive away. Daddy Bauer doesn't trust CTU so he has the goons scan Josh with a green LED light. Sure enough, they find the tracking isotope and then use a red laser pointer to disable it.
Jack calls Blondie (Reynolds) at CTU and asks for Nadia. He explains what happened and says that Josh is with Daddy Bauer's goons on a boat. He needs satellite coverage. Unfortunately, satellites are like stadium florescent lights -- they turn off in two seconds, but take more than five minutes to get back up and running. Nadia, fresh off of losing Milo, is concerned with Doyle's injuries. Jack tells her to hurry and fights off the urge to tell her he was right.
Evil Veep already knows the bad news about the exchange and is upset that Karen, and ulitmately Jack, was right. He gives Fish a lesson in power. Fish then tells Evil Veep that he should dismiss the charges levied against Karen... but Evil Veep just wants answers... and some sex.
Jack calls Nadia and tells her that Silver Spoon is okay but might be blind in both eyes. Nadia is sad that her rockin' body may not be fully appreciated by Silver Spoon and tells Jack that she was wrong not to listen to him... is this REALLY the morale we want to be telling in a story -- that one man is ALWAYS right? Jack figures out that Daddy Bauer is on an off-shore oil rig... CTU apparently sucks at their job since they didn't think of that knowing full well who Daddy Bauer is and what he did for a living.
Cut to the oil rig... Daddy Bauer is STILL working with incompetent Chang! They exchange horrible dialogue and then Daddy Bauer looks out to the ocean and feels Jack through the Force. Jack knows that there is still good in him.
Chloe's vision starts to get blurry. She gets up to talk to Morris and collapses. Morris yells for someone to help him, but no one wants to since he got drilled in the arm after helping arm the nuke.
Daddy Bauer's goons finally show up to the oil rig and Josh is reunited with his grandfather. Chang lets Daddy Bauer know that the submarine is on schedule and should be there in 30 minutes.
Chloe is resting in the CTU medical wing, she collapsed because she's exhausted and dehydrated -- uh, football players die from the exact same thing and I think Chloe should sue CTU for poor working conditions. She tells Morris to go back onto the floor and sheds a tear as he leaves... why does love make us do such silly things. Morris hops on Nadia's machine and does the ol' tried and true thermal scan on the oil rig. Sure enough, he finds the right rig in 10 seconds.
Fish tells Evil Veep that Daddy Bauer and Josh have been located on the rig. CTU is on their way, but one of Evil Veep's men suggests that an air attack is the best way to ensure not messing up. Fish agrees but isn't sure an aerial attack is worth the life of an innocent 16 year-old. Wait... WHAT!?! Let's see... waaaaaaaaaaar, or Josh. Waaaaaaaaaar, orrrrrrrrrrr Josh. Hmmm. Evil Veep concurs and sends the air strike.
Josh talks to Nadia and she tells him that Evil Veep ordered an air strike and that he and Bill are to come back to CTU for an immediate de-brief -- or to be arrested again since they've both committed treason. Bill tells Jack to not do something stupid. Jack says the only reason he's going to do said stupid thing is NOT because Josh is his nephew, but because taking the life of an innocent 16 year-old is not acceptable -- to stop a war Jack, I'd say... yeeeeeeeah, it is. But hey, Jack is ALWAYS right.
In the world of 24, where timing is everything, it took 20 minutes for the boat to go six miles on the ocean. It'll take the air strike team more than 27 minutes to get in range. But the helicopter has been flying for almost five, and it's still not at the oil rig? That's a slow chopper. Evil Veep talks to the Russian President and asks him to hold off on his attack based on some new evidence. Luckily, this time, the Russian President believes him since he knows that a Chinese sub is in their area... WAIT UP!!! HOW DID A CHINESE SUB GET THAT CLOSE TO THE U.S. WITHOUT US KNOWING!?!
Chang tells Daddy Bauer that a helicopter is approaching. He gives Daddy Bauer the component and goes to help attack the chopper. Bill lands the chopper as Jack snipes several people with an assault rifle. Impressive. Jack shoots everyone and doesn't believe Chang's "you're too late," line and goes searching for Josh. Daddy Bauer and Josh are in the basement of the rig and Daddy Bauer tries to give a lesson in the Force to Josh. Suddenly the air strike team is near and ready to blow the place up. Josh whacks Daddy Bauer in the head with a wrench. Josh takes the gun and shoots Daddy Bauer just as Jack finds them. Jack talks Josh down and tells him to get to the top of the rig.
Jack faces off with Daddy Bauer and jack tells him that by dying, he gets off easy.
You Said You Wanted a Resolution?
- Bill takes off and Jack jumps on just as the rig is blown to pieces. Success!
- As they're making it to the shore, Jack falls off of the chopper ladder. He washes up on to the beach and just as it appears that Bill will pick him up, Jack takes off because, "he's not ready to go back, yet."
- Evil Veep wants sleep, but Fish wants Karen to be taken off the hook and for her and Bill to be able to resign. Evil Veep agrees and Fish gives him the evidence he held over him.
- Morris goes to visit Chloe, who despite being exhausted and dehydrated, isn't hooked up to an IV or sleeping. Chloe's condition is serious and Morris wants to get back together with her. She's preggers. And yet, nobody cares.
- Karen is released by Fish.
- Josh and Bill return to CTU with Chang in custody.
- Josh is reunited with Marilyn.
- Nadia speaks with Bill and he tells her that Jack is gone.
The TWIST
Heller is talking on the phone at his house and Jack shows up asking for Audrey. He talks about Heller's ludicrous remark that everything Jack touches is cursed. He yells at Heller for not trying hard enough to get him out of China. Jack simply wants his life back... and he wants Audrey, too. Then Heller brings up Teri... diss! Heller takes Jack to see Audrey. Jack holds her hand but she doesn't respond because she's sleeping and is psycho. Jack decides that he has to leave her alone and go away on his own.
Jack leaves Heller's place and contemplates jumping off the deck into the ocean. And that's how it ends. Wait... that's how it ends!?!
THAT was the twist ending? THAT is how the writers are starting off the reinvented, re-imagined 24!?! You've got to be kidding me. People, they're grasping at straws! They were so ready for this lost season to end that they tried everything they could to get you to watch. Even the small promo for season seven promised it would be the best season ever... I'll tell you right now, if they just replayed season one next year, I would agree with that claim.
This season was awful. Abysmal. Not creative in the least bit. Nor exciting. I ask someone to go back and count how many times the plot shifted and how many stories they tried to tell. Young writers, take note... this is NOT how to write engaging television.
Good riddance season six.