Monday, August 27, 2007

Jack Bauer for President and Stephen King

In easily the most retarded 24-related news I've ever read, it looks as if some think that having Jack Bauer as Commander in Chief would be the best thing since sliced bread up terrorists. Is it feasible? Sure, Arnold was elected as California governer. But what would that really mean for our country? Let's take a look at Jack's credentials...

  • American citizen, born and raised
  • Served as government agent for several agencies – US Army Delta Force, LAPD SWAT, and finally the Counter Terrorist Unit (CTU) Los Angeles (which is fake)
  • Thwarted at least five terrorist attacks on US soil and one Presidential assassination attempt
  • Widowed, but can't keep a stable relationship longer than a year
  • One daughter, estranged
  • Father conspired AGAINST America
  • Brother conspired AGAINST America
  • Faked his own death to help America
  • Killed Chinese ambassador and countless terrorists
  • Spent 18 months in Chinese prison to help America avoid war
  • Constantly insists doing things his way because “it's the only way”
  • Can navigate through LA in 15 minutes flat
  • Has a man-bag
  • Has died twice and come back to life
  • Contemplated suicide, but DIDN'T pull trigger
  • World's best marksman with handheld
  • Favorite catch-phrase is “damnit”
  • Can bite people to death (probably because he was once a vampire)

Know what? Maybe he would be a good candidate. He's got my vote.

...

In other news, loyal reader Ivan has pointed out the following quip from Stephen King:

Even when the stuff's bad, you keep buying, hoping this time you'll get some of the primo stuff that hooked you. Remember the spectacular second season of 24, when President Palmer (the believable President Palmer) and Jack Bauer (the believable Jack Bauer) were trying to keep the believable terrorists from blowing up L.A.? I got that season on DVD and sat there in front of my TV hour after hour, slamming in new discs and hoping that Jack would whack the abusive father who was terrorizing Kim. Last season's 24 was only a pale imitation, but I'll be back next year, hoping for a return to the good stuff: more thrills, less filler.

Yes, this was the SAME Stephen King that said the first four episodes of season six were “so good it's scary.” Think he's ready to take that all back, now?

6 comments:

Ivan said...

Bauer for President? What's next?
How about John Rambo as his chief of A-Team staff.

Anyway, if Stephen King is dumb enough NOT to like Stanley Kubrick's version of his book The Shining, then it's no wonder he's stille looking forward to season 7...

modifoo said...

Have you read this entry:

http://www.neatorama.com/2007/08/30/what-if-jack-bauer-was-a-environment-loving-lefty/

?

Greetings from Norway.

ivan said...

Jack Bauer already began his campaign for president? Check out:
http://www.tvshowsondvd.net/graphics/news3/24_S6.jpg

Jonk said...

Per the Hollywood Reporter:
Bob Gunton is in negotiations to join the show as a regular next season when the action in the real-life thriller moves to Washington.

Gunton, who guest-starred on three episodes of "24" last season as Secretary of Defense Ethan Kanin, will reprise his role, now chief of staff for the new president.


Need I point out to anybody that going from Secretary of Defense to chief of staff is a step down?

For example, Dick Cheney was chief of staff under President Ford in the mid-1970s, and later became Secretary of Defense under George H.W. Bush from '89-93.

Of course, in the 24 universe, Wayne Palmer can go from chief of staff to president in only a few years' time.

It seems to be a theme on this show, especially at CTU:

- Jack was director of CTU, then later on he was head of field ops (although he did resign in between those jobs)

- Curtis was No. 2 to Driscoll, but by Day 6, Nadia (a younger newcomer) was

- Chloe was head computer geek, and although she never took orders from Milo, it was implied in Day 6 that he was higher up

- Buchanan and Mason went from high up at Division/District to CTU chief. Isn't that considered a step down?

Jonk said...

Oh yeah, also... this Secretary of Defense Ethan Kanin character had about four or five lines last season. He's had absolutely no development at all, and doesn't seem to be a particularly interesting character. So of course they've decided to bring him back, in a different role in the White House, and as a regular cast member to boot. Brilliantly hilarious.

Eugene said...

I've never watched 24, but I agree it sucks.