24 Season 5: Episodes 16 and 17 Recaps(Hour 10:00 p.m. - 12:00 a.m.)

WARNING: The following post may, and probably will, contain spoilers.

We’re getting close to the end of the season... can you all feel it? Can you feel the twists that lie ahead? Can you feel the plot-holes that line the way? Well can you? I can, but they don’t just lie ahead, they occurred last week and tonight.

The Miles and Karen Show
Who died and made these two Pinky and the Brain? Why is it just these two goobers that are trying like mad to take over CTU for Homeland Security? Seems awfully petty of a story line this late in the season. And talk about silly quotes from Karen, how about the following:

1. “Homeland Security is issuing a unit-wide backslash protocol... Christopher Henderson remains and open protocol.” Karen, did you run out of techno-babble words to say? Or does Homeland Security, like CTU, run on the book of 40,000 protocols?
2. In regards to the Homeland Security takeover Karen mutters, “sometimes I wonder if it was a necessary one...” Sometimes? Like you’ve had two years and not just the past 25 minutes to dwell on this?
3. When Audrey asks who the hell issued the warrant for Jack’s arrest, “I’m not at liberty to say.” Let’s see... we know it was an executive ordered warrant... so who has authority to order anyone, especially the head of Homeland Security, around? Could it be someone they’ve interfaced with all day?

Martial Law Is a Very Unproven Strategy
This whole notion of Martial Law in LA is bogus. Let’s look at a timeline of Martial Law lameness from these two episodes:

1. Just how did Henderson’s bad guys get onto the Presidential Retreat Compound land and shoot off rockets without being detected? They’re in a van, not an off-road vehicle, so it’s not like they can outsmart the military by going off-road.
2. Oh... nevermind my last point, Service Road 19 is the back-way into the Presidential Retreat Compound.
3. So during last week’s episode, there was no talk about roadblocks while everyone just drove around with no problems. But NOW there’s concern about military roadblocks being everywhere. If there was a curfew in effect, I’d say that hotels would probably be instructed to a) close and b) report anybody who tried to get a room.
4. No Audrey, your dad (aka, the worst actor ever on 24) can’t re-route his plane to LA, it’s under Martial Law. Also, no, you can’t keep it off the manifest either, you’re the Department of Defense during a time of crisis, everything government related would be under high scrutiny.
5. Apparently, under Martial Law, you have to give your full name for 911 emergency assistance.
6. Uh, wouldn’t all banks be super guarded during a time of martial law?
7. Audrey has special clearance to drive around during Martial Law, since she works for the DOD. The DWP truck has clearance, because, well, he just does.
8. In addition to giving your full name during Martial Law, when you call 911, you only get two medics... back in normal life, you’d have maybe two cop cars there as well.
9. How was it that Jack, Wayne and bank-man had to walk to the bank because there were too many military checkpoints (that were uploaded to Jack’s PDA, remember), but the bad guys trying to kill Jack and Wayne can drive right up to the front entrance?
10. During a bank robbery, only two cop cars are sent. Yes, the two cop cars that should’ve been at the 911 stop.

Technology, and MORE, From the Future!!! Err...???
CTU’s, and others’, technology genius is very abundant in 24. Not only that, but even regular items are pretty hi-tech. But sometimes things happen on 24 that make you scratch your head.

• People-Tracking Satellites
  We learned about this one in season four... you can actually use a satellite to track where humans are in a specific radius. I think it uses infrared sensory. But tonight, when they were trying to find Jack after the explosion, they couldn’t (even though not 30 minutes earlier, they used it to track the guards). Then, later in the episode, Chloe kept uploading updated satellite pics for Jack so he could kill guards where Henderson was holding Evelyn’s child.
• The Other Satellites
  Audrey had a very hard time reprogramming the satellites to move once Henderson took off from the child exchange. Yet, later on, Miles (who must be some super nerd) did just that and was able to track Audrey’s vehicle in REAL TIME (remember, that’s our phrase of the season). But then, something totally unexpected happened, the satellite lost connection. How!?! Satellites NEVER lose connection! (Here is where you don’t talk about cell phones dropping service, or that we used to move our dishes around to get better television reception)
• Wayne’s Magic IP Tracing Skills
  Evelyn can’t lie, Wayne traced the IP account right to her address... which could be possible, if she had her own server (which isn’t out of the question if she was working on official government business) But, these emails were personal and she probably didn’t want them trackable from the White House, so my assumption is that she was using a free email account and dial-up, dsl or cable modem – which randomly assigns an IP address each time a connection is made. Now, it WOULD be traceable, if absolutely necessary... but I believe there would be a LOT of red tape to wade through and too much tape for a former Chief of Staff to bypass in half a day (a half day marred with the death of his brother and former President – no way in hell Wayne is out here doing this crap on a day like this).
• The Teleportation Devices Return
  When did Evelyn ever have time to record a conversation and take it all the way into the city, put it in a safety deposit box at some random bank and then get back to the Presidential Retreat Compound?
• Yeah, I Have No Clue
  Using a VPN pathway you can hide phone calls. Good to know. If that’s the case, then maybe Henderson has been using a VPN all day long, since he’s using the same damn phone since early on... can’t trace things with a VPN, remember?
• Gun Stuff
  Jack’s a pretty good shot with a silenced gun, which by the way, doesn’t silence a gun like that. And if Jack can shoot four men in two seconds, why didn’t he just shoot Henderson in the leg? Also, would a bullet really stop after hitting breakaway glass? I don’t think so.

Random Questions For You

• Would Audrey back on duty so quickly after being injected with the burning truth syrum?
• Just how many bad guys can there be in one season of 24?
• If you had a dollar for every time Chloe caved to someone saying, "c’mon Chloe, I need this," how much would you have?
• If you were meeting someone at a secret location and were concerned about safety, would you be standing right in the middle of an open barn?
• Banks have no back doors for security reasons? How about fire code reasons?

Stay tuned for next week, when Defense Secretary Heller returns to take back the bad acting crown!