Wednesday, January 18, 2006

24 Season 5: Episodes 3 & 4 Recap
(Hours 9:00 a.m. - 11:00 a.m.)

WARNING: The following post may, and probably will, contain spoilers.

Sheesh, double episodes kill me...

Let’s see, when we last left the world of 24, President Logan was insisting on the continuation of hosting the Russian government against all of the advice that he shouldn’t. Even an assassination of a former President couldn’t sway him. Nor could the fact that Jack Bauer was on the loose and potentially trying to kill as many important people as he could. Then, out of nowhere, the airport that Jack was at (looking for a piece of the mystery surrounding his assassination setup) was overtaken by terrorists! The good news, Jack is trapped inside... the bad news, so is Derek:

Jack and His Super Bag of Goodies!

  • I figured out how Jack has a nice new cell phone (a cell phone that has every personal CTU agent’s phone number), he has some sponsorship with Sprint!
  • In addition to the city-wide teleportation abilities that Jack has shown us over the past few seasons, he can also type in an email address in two seconds. An email address, mind you, to send CTU an email of terrorist photos. And now they’re going to send him data back to his phone. HIS PHONE! Buy Palm stock now!
  • Jack’s vision and/or math skills are a bit wacky... “approximately 10-12 hostages” looks more like 24ish.
  • David Blane: Jack Bauer: Street Magic – Watch as Jack blows up a remote with his cell phone! Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Wouldn’t that blow up all of the terrorists’ vests? Well, no, probably not, he just pointed his wand at the one he wanted to blow up. Or maybe the terrorists spent money on getting different remotes for everyone – yeah, that makes more sense.
  • Jack is now a seen as a postitive statistic inside CTU... without him, success for the entire human race is 20%.
  • How many other cool things does Jack have in his bag? Aside from two cell phones (one for calling and one for emailing), he’s got guns, a car-jacking tool, a telescope and probably some Bert’s Bees Wax.
  • Remember, Jack hasn’t been cleared of assassination charges yet, but we don’t see the importance of handcuffing him. I mean, he only allegedly killed a former President and two CTU agents.

CTU (and Their Technology) Rocks, Sometimes...

  • I’m not sure what I’d do with it, but I need some of those face-scanning programs... you know, the ones where they can take a photo of an angled face and match it to a gigantic database of terrorist mug shots. If they’ve got mug-shots of that many terrorists, why not just jail them all up instead of just photographing them? Problem solved.
  • My God... the CTU computers and their databases are absolutely amazing, did you see all of the photos of remote detonators they had on file? If these things really existed, we really would have zero terrorists in this world. I mean, we’re talking some real “Minority Report” type shit here, people!
  • Why is it every season of 24 there’s a change in the chain of command at CTU? If that government unit is in such constant turmoil, you’d think that they’d have some type of stable leader or dissolve it all together.
  • Speaking of a new leader at CTU, it’s one that micro-manages? Jeez, talk about recycled story-lines (crazy first lady, a mole, new micro-managing leader at CTU, multiple love triangles, etc.)
  • Let me get this straight, CTU can pinpoint and track people in “real-time” movements from the garage of a hotel, yet you can’t use computers, or satellites, to track where terrorists and hostages are inside a one-story airport terminal? What about those nifty infrared satellites you had last season 18 months ago? Plus, why will it take 20 minutes to re-deploy men around a 10,000 square foot (at most) building? Oh, that’s right, it doesn’t... because when you had to quickly re-deploy your men again, it took two.

Rookie Terrorists

  • The blood on the shirt of the idiot hostage (the one that tried to use his cell phone) spread awfully far, awfully quick. Blood doesn’t flow that quickly out of a singular bullet wound, nor when the dude is laying on his back. But, we can’t discount their flare for the dramatic.
  • How did the terrorist have the phone number to a specific policeman on the scene? Speaking of police, no one from a police unit would be running the operation at an airport. It would be the FBI, or some other government agency, doing that (haven’t they ever seen “Die Hard 2?”)
  • The terrorists spray-painted the security cameras and not only did the terrorists have the number to the policeman outside the airport, they also had the number to the television networks, and the means to broadcast a live feed.
  • “The terrorists have taken control of an entire airport!” Translation: One terminal and a concession stand – a concession stand, mind you, that has blue and red plastic Dixie Cups.
  • No chance the terrorists would be standing in the main terminal in front of giant windows. They would’ve been shot long ago.
  • “The President has 15 minutes to meet our demands. Well, minus 5 for a commercial break and 2 for the meaningless dribble that Jack just spout out... so really, the President has 8 minutes! Wait, I forgot that we don’t count commercial breaks... so back to 13 minutes! You got that!?! 13!!! ”
  • How do we stop people coordinating by cell phones? Ah the old cell phone jamming software, duh.
  • Why just secure Jack? Why not just kill him? No one wants him alive!!!
  • Keep your head down, you filthy hostages... except for you, yeah, you... the one who’s not really a hostage! In fact, leave it up for a while, so the audience knows what you look like!
  • How does a hostage just get out of the building and through a locked-down airport? Through the back door, that’s how.

The Californian White House and Schtuff

  • How exactly do you “alter” a voice recording? If we ever hear the original, and President Palmer never said anything like what we heard in episode two, then we know that “alter” really means “bs.”
  • The networks are under no legal obligation to comply with the President’s demands? I’m sure there’s some clause somewhere that says he can do whatever he wants (the clause that says he can ignore his own rule that America doesn’t torture suspects anymore comes to mind).
  • Now the First Lady’s hair stylist personal assistant has forgotten that the First Lady is supposed to be crazy and just might believe her now.
  • Where exactly would the First Lady be going? Everyone would be in a gigantic lockdown right now. That means no press, at least more than two cabinet members, and they would all be flying somewhere in the air – and if not in the air, there would be guards everywhere, so that nobody would be walking around alone, or anywhere for that matter.
  • They store all transcribed conversations at a house in California? That’s convenient. And, just how many boxes does the First Lady have to go through? Wasn’t the call made last night?
  • What is this, blame the First Lady’s hair stylist personal assistant day? First she’ll take blame for letting the First Lady out. Then she’ll take the blame for the First Lady stealing information that could be an International Matter of Security. Poor girl.

So everyone knows, the catch-phrase of 24 this season is “real-time updates.” But I guess nothing, absolutely nothing, has happened to Tony in the past three+ hours, since we’ve heard no updates.

Coming up next week: Nerve Gas!!! I hope I have the nerve.

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